I'm going to be running my ass off in an hour. Go figure this is when I get into a contemplative mood.

Blogs are nice. It's interesting to see new perspectives. That's how you grow. I think I'm growing.

Intellectual curiosity, haha.

I don't want to go to church tomorrow.

Maybe I should just ask questions and see what people do. I'm curious—if I ask about homosexuality, then will I get an actual answer, or will I get the funny looks and the prayers and admonishments?

I think I probably haven't asked because I know the answer. Religion doesn't like questions. I think it's inherent. Questions are how you learn and grow; punishing people for asking questions is a way of controlling them. My entire life, who I am and who I am permitted to be has been controlled by the church. So, am I only supposed to be 'edified' by what they approve? Last time someone 'edified' us with something the preacher didn't agree with, they got kicked out of the church. It's no wonder the world has gotten over Christianity. When something's inflexible and stiff and never grows or adapts, it becomes outdated. That's a basic principle of life.

You know, when you stop to think about it, church is kind of a terrorist organization. For two thousand years, people have been so terrified of going to hell that they'll listen to whatever they're told. That's why people think that religion precludes science; because it so often does.

I wish people would think. That's all I want. Because by them not thinking, they keep me from being able to really grow. And that's all I want to do.

God help me if I'm stuck at fifteen for the rest of my life because they were all too afraid of questions.

It goes beyond religion and moral stances, too. It goes into politics. I still remember the time (recently!) that I asked my dad what Bill Clinton had done outside of moral issues to deserve Republican hatred. I got an incoherent answer for the most part, and a thirty-minute heated lecture to boot.

I don't understand why people are so threatened by curiosity.

Edit: You know what really pisses me off about this whole conundrum? My writing is restricted by this. I mean, dear god, if you want to squander one of the few gifts I have, be my guest; after all, I'm only a teenager, and I have no concept of eternity. I can't fulfill my potential—I can't even /show/ anyone my writing—without getting prayed over and reprimanded for rebellion and god knows what else. They can't realize at all that I can write about something that I don't even like, I don't even appreciate, and it doesn't have to be me. That's the whole damn point of writing, you idiots.

I can't wait to move out. For now, I guess it's just my job to make sure I'll be ready for the working-and-intellectual aspect of not having anything looming over me.